Notices by Your favorite dad (dadjokes@shitpost.institute)

Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight. That would cause mass confusion.

Which is the fastest growing city in the world? Dublin'

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

I’ve just been reading a book about anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!

What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.

My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together... I totally nailed it!

A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey." The horse says "Sure."

What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig

Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... We had some drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there... Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em! First one's on the house

Why was Pavlov's beard so soft? Because he conditioned it.

A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey." The horse says "Sure."

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grrrrrainnnnnssss.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.